


Disjointed

by sinkshilling (ryan_needs_a_life)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Friendship, Gen, Post Tsukiyama Extermination arc, Short Chapters, more tags to be added over time, poor shirazu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-06-08 10:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15241719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryan_needs_a_life/pseuds/sinkshilling
Summary: Shirazu makes it out of the Tsukiyama operation alive, but sacrifices his humanity to do so. If he wants to make it out of the ordeal alive, he'll need the help of his friends - and maybe even a certain old mentor.





	1. Wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, this was just kinda meant to serve as a little intro to start off the story. This is also my first time writing fanfiction, so my updating might be a bit.. iffy. I appreciate any kind of comments or criticism, even if you just leave like a fruit fact or whatever. That's cool too. :) Next chapter will be longer and should be bringing in Kaneki, Arima, and Akira.

"..." Shirazu opened his eyes. Wait... he was... alive? Wracking his brain, the last memory he has is of a hole in his side, and the corpse of a ghoul - Noro? Dull residual pain hits his stomach at the thought. Wincing slightly, he sits up, taking in his surroundings. He recognizes the stark white walls and cold tiled floors - the CCG hospital. Well, that makes sense. But just how had he lived? His already unimpressive regenerative abilities wouldn't've been enough for a wound that size...looking down, Shirazu pulls up the thin hospital gown. "What the hell..?" Instead of the anticipated bloodied layers of bandages, there was... well, nothing. 

The place where he'd been mortally wounded just a little while ago was clean, undamaged skin.

Feeling a bit light-headed, he quickly pressed the "call nurse" button on his bedside.

Soon enough, a nurse came in followed by a worried-looking Quinx Squad. He opened his mouth to speak to them, but was quickly cut off. A blur of blue hair rushed towards him, and he was enveloped in a tight hug by a sobbing Saiko. "Shiragin is alive!" Patting the crying Saiko, he turned to face the rest of the squad. Shirazu felt a surge of gratitude for his little family. "Shirazu Ginshi?" He turned to face the tired-looking nurse. "I've been told that Dr. Shiba will be here in a few minutes to explain some things to you regarding your injuries. You seem fine, but if you still need anything, please do not hesitate to ask." Shirazu gave a nod as the woman left quickly, leaving the group of investigators alone in the cold white room. Ginshi shifted a bit in his bed, now feeling uncomfortable. His head was throbbing; he had so many questions and no answers. _How had he survived being blown apart like a ragdoll?_

Mutsuki cleared his throat, taking Shirazu out of his stupor.

The blond Quinx met the timid face of his teammate. "Shirazu... I'm happy you're alive." He smiled, but Shirazu noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes. Ginshi sighed and rubbed the back of his buzzed head. "Thanks... just.. tell me what happened."


	2. Shinigami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just a bit of a notice, from here on out this isn't going to be following manga canon (i.e. GOAT, Reaperneki), as I've decided to set up a bit different situation for our favorite half-ghouls.* ~~hope you enjoy~~

Shirazu's words melt Mutsuki's facade right off. Letting out a small sigh, the shy investigator stared at the pristine tile, not meeting his leader's eye. When he spoke, his words were shaky. "Shirazu.. during the Tsukiyama extermination, you were fighting SS-rated Noro.. and.." He trails off, Ginshi giving him a searching look. Urie's voice suddenly cut through the tense air. It lacked the harsh bite it had before. "You exterminated Noro, but managed to destroy your frames. I.. can't believe you're alive, Shirazu." Urie's face was clouded, not at all his usual chilly disinterest.

Shirazu's headache threatened to pierce his skull.

Sitting on the lumpy hospital mattress, he knew he'd pushed his kakuhou past his limits, past _the CCG's_ limits. Just what would happen to him now, and what would this mean for his most important people? Maybe he would be treated like Sassan, like a dog to be put down when it loses control.. wait - Sassan? His eyes swept the room one more time, only finding the three Quinx. A sinking feeling began in his chest as the blood drained from his face. He didn't..?

The blond's train of thought screeched to a halt at the clicking sound of the door opening. Expecting Dr. Shiba, he startled as he recognized the click of Akira-san's heels against the tile, followed by a head of white hair. "Sassan!" He sat up quickly, hoping to see his mentor, _to get answers_! - oh. Arima-san had been the one who followed her into the room, face unreadable as ever. Not Sasaki. Ginshi fidgeted - he couldn't take it anymore. "M-Mado-san! Where's Sassan? Is he okay?! What-" Akira stopped the yelling man with a raised hand, eyes narrowed. Shirazu quieted, feeling irritated now. He wanted to _know,_ dammit!

"Shirazu." Akira's voice was hard and clipped. Any hope he may have had was torn to shreds. "You lost control of yourself during the Tsukiyama Family Extermination.." She stopped to sigh, looking incredibly drained. Arima continued for the fragile-looking Mado. "Your kakuhou is no longer framed, putting your red child cell count at roughly 1900 - making you the average half-ghoul. After the incident involving Hais-" The reaper paused briefly, expression unreadable. "-Kaneki Ken, the CCG has decided to eliminate those deemed uncontrollable, who threaten its existence. The Quinx project has been pronounced a failure, with all remaining test subjects to be transferred to Cochlea for extermination and harvesting of kakuhou for further experimentation. I am truly sorry; Haise cared deeply about all of you." Arima's lips drew to a thin line. "I have been allowed to grant you one day to fulfill last wishes. Please use it well."

Arima's expression held something akin to sympathy as he bowed to the young investigators and left the room silently, whispering something to Mado that not even Saiko could pick up.

"Goddammit..." The sound made heads turn. Shirazu was gripping the sheets tightly as anger practically radiated off of him. "What was the point in any of this.. _if I couldn't even help Haru, help my friends?!_ I just had to go and screw everything up, and now we're all done for-"

"Shirazu!" Akira was fuming as she cut him off. The blond looked up, stunned. "Stop this. Your behavior is absolutely unacceptable. The CCG made this decision, not you. This is not your fault, not any of you." Her voice broke on the last syllable, her words carrying more emotion than any of them had ever seen from Akira. The woman sighed, "As Arima said before, you have one day to make arrangements or fulfill last wishes. I trust that all of you will make the most of it." The ghost of a smile graced her features as she said, "It has been an honor to work as your superior." Akira strode towards the door, discretely slipping a piece of paper on to the bedside table as she left the room. _Hmm,_ thought Shirazu.

"So. What's the plan, then?" Saiko had been the first to comment on their situation, looking incredibly determined for some reason.

"..What are you on about, Saiko?" Urie asked, voice trembling ever-so slightly. The day's ordeal seemed to have had an effect on him. Honestly, Shirazu didn't blame him.

Saiko gave Urie an indignant look. "The _plan_ , Uri. Saiko isn't letting anyone else die, 'specially after losing Maman."

Huh? 'Losing Maman'? He couldn't have..Sasaki was too strong, too _caring_ to die on them..right? Shirazu quickly pushed the thoughts away. "Saiko, where's Sassan? Is he okay?"

Kuki answered instead, voice dripping with hatred. "Bastard abandoned us. He got his memories back during the operation, ran off with one of the Tsukiyamas. Apparently all he said was that he wanted to 'find his sunshine' again, whatever the fuck that means. That asshole left us, and didn't even say a word."


	3. Time to face the strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry this took so long to get out. I've just had massive writer's block and life was just so busy. So I'm sorry if this is shit but I felt like I needed to get this chapter out of my system before it kills me. Next chapter won't have as long a wait, life has just been hectic.

Shirazu felt as though the weight on his chest had disappeared. Sassan was alive, and they were getting out of this - if they could work together, at least. Now he was determined to find his mentor.

"Hahh? What's up with you, Urie? I know Sassan's got a plan. He promised he wouldn't leave us, remember? We just need to find him." Urie scoffed and clenched his fists as he looked down - he didn't go at Shirazu. 

The blond threw him a brief confused look. Mutsuki bit his lip, watching the exchange. "I trust Sasaki-sensei, but we need to be careful. Remember what happened during the Serpent investigation. He might be back to how he was that day.."

Shirazu looked uncharacteristically thoughtful for a moment. 

"Sassan wouldn't try to hurt us. If he does, then he's not worth it anymore, right? He'd be gone. If he doesn't, well, if Akira-san can calm him down, so can we." He rubbed the back of his head again, sighing. "And anyways, I need someone to explain how this ghoul shit works."  
Shirazu lifted his head, smirking up at his friends for the first time in hours.

Mutsuki reluctantly nodded, Saiko beaming next to him. Urie had moved up against the wall, avoiding eye contact but not objecting.

Ginshi sighed and smirked again, showing off his many sharp teeth. "Well, let's get outta here."

○○○○

As he walked out of the CCG hospital and into the bustling city, Shirazu truly felt the impact of his lost humanity.

Since the surgery, people had a scent - but it was never like it was now. 

It wasn't _their_ smell anymore.

It was sweet blood pulsing just beneath tender flesh, warm insides waiting to spill out of sticky open wounds.

His stomach growled.

Shirazu felt sick at the realization. His mouth had watered at the idea of human meat. 

Urie seemed to notice his distress. With an unreadable expression he gestured to the nearby alleyway, the Quinx following quickly.

As soon as Shirazu was away from the crowd, he leaned against the cool brick, panting as he let out his breath. 

This was not going to be easy for him.


	4. Hunger pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, it's been a while. Sorry for not updating this for a while; this fic was always in the back of my mind somewhere, i was just in a bit of a slump. Anyway, here's the longest chapter I've written so far. Lemme know what you think!

Kaneki pulled the black hood lower over his eyes as he wove through the crowd. He'd insisted on going to meet Banjou alone; after all, he was Ken's last hope to find information on Hide's whereabouts. 

It felt strange to be involved in underground ghoul business after all this time, particularly now that his best friend was an incredibly sought-after informant. 

Naga-san, they called him. Better than Helter Skelter's own Itori. One ghoul told Ken, "He knows everything about everybody and if he doesn't they don't exist. Good luck tryin' to find him, though."

Kaneki smiled in spite of himself. Hide was always perceptive - and sneaky to boot.

Not that he expected the cheery blonde to become infamous in the ghoul underground, of course.

He continued down the crowded street, scanning for any investigators as he casually turned into the alley. Banjou and his group lived further into the city now, a little ways away from the 20th ward. 

The place was crawling with Doves since the Anteiku raid. It made Ken a little melancholic, looking back at what it had been before.

He walked on. Not too far now. Tokyo's backstreets were maze-like, making it easy to lose track of where you were. It wasn't surprising that it was a hotbed for ghoul activity - the Doves avoided it for fear of getting cornered. 

Kaneki saw the building he was looking for around the corner. A small, dingy apartment complex with a dilapidated fire escape. 

There weren't investigators around, but he figured he should play it safe. Banjou's apartment was on the end of the building after all. 

He climbed up the fire escape and knocked on the window. A gas-masked ghoul cautiously peered out, before taking off their mask. Banjou looked down at his old friend before smiling and helping him in.

Time for a reunion, then.

○○○○  
○○○○

Seeing Shirazu like that really set in just how much trouble the Quinx were in.

They'd be an enemy of the CCG soon - really soon, and even all together they couldn't take down their stronger forces. Not to mention that they were travelling with a starving ghoul and had nowhere to go in the meantime.

Earlier as a group they had reached an agreement to head back to the Chateau, but was that even an option? They were on the list for extermination - surely there'd be investigators stationed. Even then, Shirazu wouldn't be able to make it that far.

As they sat behind a dumpster and watched the crowd thin as the sun went down, they tried making a plan. As much as the thought disturbed all of them, Shirazu needed to eat or he was going to go berserk.

Just when their resolve was at an all-time low, Shirazu perked up. His kakugan was flaring as drool dribbled down his chin. There was a manic look in his eye that deeply unsettled the Quinx.

"Food!"

Ginshi took off at an inhuman speed down the alley, his self-control gone. The others frantically chased after him.

"Sh-Shiragin!"

"Shirazu, get a hold of yourself!"

Finally, the blond stopped. Panting, the Quinx caught up to him at the foot of another alley. Tooru seemed the most concerned.

"Shirazu-kun, are you -"

Mutsuki blanched at the sight before them. Ginshi felt that awful guilt bubbling up.

A ghoul was devouring a young woman's corpse, blood splattering everywhere and bones snapping like twigs.

Shirazu was near-delirious with hunger as the other ghoul turned around. He didn't look happy, to say the least. 

Of all the times to not have proper quinques. All five of them tensed and prepared to defend themselves.

"Another one-eyed bastard? Eh, you're definitely not _him_. But just what the fuck d'you think you're doing, trespassing on my feeding grounds? I'll ki-" 

_"Tsukochi."_

An ice cold voice hissed the name from the darkness. 

The ghoul stopped in his tracks, fear coloring his voice.

"Eyepatch..?"

A white-haired ghoul dropped down from the rooftop with crimson rinkaku kagune, his leather mask shining under the moonlight.

"These are nobody's feeding grounds anymore - I'm sure you remember. Leave these kids alone and get out of here."

Shirazu could hear the threat in that chilly voice. Still, something about him was off. Urie growled under his breath at the sight of the white-haired man. Something was definitely wrong - but what was it?

The ghoul smirked, his voice still holding a tremble. "Eyepatch. Gone for two years and decides to come stick his nose into other ghouls' business." 

Ginshi had the feeling that this wouldn't end well.

"Eyepatch" stepped further into the light. One kakugan burned bright red under a terrifying leather mask with gnashing teeth. 

There was a collective intake of breath by the Quinx. Of course. After living with and learning under him for 2 years, there was no mistaking their mentor.

He was different, however. Especially under Urie's observant eye.

Sasaki always walked like he was holding himself in and making his presence smaller. When he fought, he seemed to distance himself from what he was doing and avoid unnecessary violence as much as possible.

This person walked and held himself with confidence. He seemed certain of his every move, and looked ready to strike at any moment. Kuki doubted that he would hold back when he fought.

If this was indeed their leader, Shirazu and the others would be in for a shock - the last thing they needed right now, especially if they were to follow Akira's note tucked into Shirazu's pocket.

The half-ghoul simply narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Tsukochi.

He simply smirked, seeming to regain some of his courage."Nothing to say to that, eh? I - " 

His sentence was cut off by kagune tearing through him, slicing his head right off his shoulders. Blood splattered onto the walls surrounding them.

"Trash like you don't deserve to live," the ghoul hissed. He raised his head to look at the stunned Quinx, his expression softening as he sniffed and looked at the blonde in sympathy. 

"You're a ghoul now, Shirazu. You need to eat soon. The CCG isn't going to help you." 

With that he started to turn and leave, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Urie was fuming as he held the man back.

"You left without a fucking word after Shirazu nearly died - and you just walk in like its nothing then try to leave again! You've got no right to have called yourself our leader when you've failed us over and over - the CCG wants us dead! What if Shirazu had-"

"Urie, stop!" Ginshi cut him off.

Ken looked up to Urie's glare, matching his intensity with a pained expression. The silence was deafening as they considered each other.

"I know, Urie. I failed all of you as a mentor and betrayed your trust. Even Haise Sasaki was just a dream. You're right - I don't have the right to be your leader."

Urie opened his mouth to respond but was cut short by Mutsuki's worried voice.

"S-Sasaki-san! Shirazu's..." 

The blond was panting, hunched over on the pavement. Drool dribbled down his face as one red eye flared. He was muttering under his breath, his voice straining the more he spoke. 

Sasaki cursed as he scooped the hungry man up. It seemed like the turn of events had shaken him slightly. "He needs to eat soon or he'll go berserk. I'm not your leader anymore, but I can help with this."

Urie nodded begrudgingly. The Quinx followed, looking pale.

○○○○  
○○○○

Kaneki hadn't expected the night to go like this. 

He'd gone out to meet Banjou for information on Hide and returned with three Quinx and an armfull of starving ghoul. Not to mention that the ghoul in question was a former subordinate from his life as Haise. 

It was safe to say that the night wasn't going in the direction he wanted it to.

Shirazu's state reminded Kaneki of his first days as a ghoul. How he'd run into an alleyway smelling food only to see a ghoul feasting on a dead man's corpse, how he'd nearly lost control and killed his best friend.

They really needed to hurry. The last thing he wanted was for Shirazu to experience the hell that comes with a ghoul's hunger.

He didn't deserve to live like Kaneki did.

It was only a few minutes later when they reached Banjou's apartment. 

Going to his own place wouldn't be a good idea. He might trust the Quinx, but Tsukiyama was a different story, especially around half-ghouls.

Gesturing for them to follow, he climbed up the fire escape and knocked on the window for the second time that evening.

"Banjou, it's me again."

This time he came unmasked, confusion evident on his face. "Kaneki-san? What are you..?"

The Quinx exchanged looks with each other. Would this intimidating ghoul really offer them help - and what did he just call Sasaki?

"He's starving, and they don't have anywhere to go. Could we come in for a little while and figure this out?"

Banjou looked a bit skeptical as he eyed the former investigators, but opened his window further upon seeing the white-haired ghoul's expression.

The group wormed their way through the window into the small apartment. All six of them crowded inside the tiny living room. Shirazu was gently laid on the lumpy couch.

"I have extra food in the fridge, Kaneki-san - bottom right."

Kaneki crossed to the mini-fridge in the corner, opening it to reveal several packages wrapped in brown paper. He grabbed one, the scent telling the Quinx just what it was.

Shirazu perked up at the smell, snatching it from Ken's hands and tearing the paper open viciously. 

He wolfed down the raw flesh like a starving animal, blood dribbling down his chin. 

The Quinx stood in silence. It seemed that they weren't prepared for this.

All three of them stared at the floor, not quite knowing how to feel.

Kaneki watched with a sad expression as the blonde ate. If only he could've been there to help Shirazu against Noro, none of this would've happened. 

Ginshi and the others would be at their chateau right now, no death sentences hanging over their heads or hunger for human flesh.

It felt like an eternity had passed before Shirazu finished, panting slightly. He looked like he was finally conscious of himself again, noticing his blood-stained hands and the sweet taste in his mouth.

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Finally a humorless laugh escaped his throat. His next words were shaky.

"Guess this is me now. Ah well, what can a guy do?" Shirazu turned to his former leader, his expression still pained. "Thanks, Sassan. I would'a lost it if it weren't for you."

The white-haired ghoul smiled softly in return, but Shirazu saw that it wasn't quite genuine. 

Banjou watched the exchange quizzically. "Uh, are these those Quinx guys you mentioned earlier, Kaneki-san? Their smell.."

Kaneki nodded. "I found them in an alley coming back from your apartment. The Doves want them dead since Shirazu became a full half-ghoul and I remembered everything. They think of them as a threat."

Banjou's expression softened a little. "If you're friends of Kaneki-san, you can stay here for a few days if you need to. The Doves don't know about me."

Shirazu opened his mouth to say something but cut himself off, quickly pulling a note out of his pocket and handing it to their former leader. "Oh, I think you should read this, Sassan. I forgot all about it since I went kinda nuts and all." 

Confused, Ken took it from him.

It was a note on white stationary. Opening it further he felt anxiety hit him like a truck.

Akira's handwriting. He'd know it from anywhere. Quickly, he read the note.

"Quinx -- 

Nobody from the CCG is going to help you anymore.

Shirazu is a ghoul now, and he will die if he doesn't eat soon.

It pains me to say this, but finding the man who was Haise Sasaki may be your only chance. 

He is quite possibly the only one willing and able to hide you. The CCG has First and Special Class investigators on standby in case you escape.

They are prepared to put you down as a ghoul.

For Shirazu's and your sakes, please be careful. 

I can't help you.

\- Akira."

Kaneki sighed as he finished reading. "Thank you for the offer, Banjou, but I don't want to put you in danger. I'll have a talk with Tsukiyama."

Finally he turned to the Quinx. Mutsuki and Saiko seemed slightly hesitant; Urie narrowed his eyes. None of them said a word. Shirazu looked at him determinedly.

"We'll come with you, Sassan."

Ken looked hesitant but pulled his hood up again, waving goodbye to Banjou and starting out the window.

"We need to hurry, then. Tomorrow we're heading to Uta's."

Before any of them could ask, Kaneki was heading out into the city, white hair clashing against the dark night.


End file.
